Sorry, But I Find This Histerical...

From: Bin Laden, Osama
To: All Al-Qaeda Fighters
Subject: The Cave

Hi guys,We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've really come together as a group and I love that! However, while we are fighting a Jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave, and frankly I have a few concerns.

First of all, it is not often that I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying to scare the shit out of half the world's population, okay? That means while we're taping, please do not ride your scooter in the background or keep doing that "wassup" thing. Thanks

Second: food. I bought some Kraft Singles recently, clearly wrote "Ossy" on the package, and put it on the top shelf. Today, two slices of cheese were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.

Third, I'm not against team spirit and all that, but we must distance ourselves from the infidel's bat and ball games. Please do not chant "Ossy, Ossy, Ossy, Oy, Oy, Oy" when I ride past on the donkey. Thanks.

Fourth: Graffiti. Whoever wrote "OSAMA FUCKS DONKEYS" on the group toilet wall, it's a lie, the donkey backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the edge of the mountain.

Five: The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam, the old excuse that "the chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the edge of the mountain" will not be accepted in the future. (With donkeys, there is a grey area.)

Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want patrols set up to look for them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammed, Abdul, Akbar, and Dave.

Love you lots. Group Hug, Os.

PS: I'm sick of having "Osama Bed Linen" scribled on my laundry bag. Cut it out, its not funny anymore.