The Beginning, May 28th 2005

Location: A tent on Suck Creek Mountain, 15ft. above the water's edge in a thicket I have cut into to form a rather cozy nook for myself and my campfire.

Mood: Vaguely hopeful, anticipatory, slightly frightened, but ready as hell for whatever may come.

Thoughts: I wonder what Leia is doing right now and if she misses me. I wonder whether my first night alone on the mountain will be what I anticipate. Will Holly like my campsite and why is this friend of mine the person that she is? She reminds me of a stunningly beautiful tortoise that just won't come out of it's shell; and if it did, would it still be beautiful? Women and the night....I suspect my thoughts aren't all that different from early man's so long ago. Will these thoughts seem childish and small 10 years hence? Is there, in fact, any other way to grow?

Quote from Taoist Meditation Book: In the beginning, all things are hopeful. We prepare ourselves for the magnificent journey ahead, all things are contained in this first moment: our optimism, our faith, our resolutionm, our innocence. In order to start, we must make a decision. This decision is a commitment to daily self-cultivation. We must make a strong connection to our inner selves. Outside matters are superfluous. Alone and naked, we negotiate all of life's travails. Therefore, we alone must make something of ourselves, transforming ourselves into instruments for experiencing the deepest spiritual essence of life. Once we make our decision, all things will come to us. Auspicious signs are not a superstition, but a confirmation. They are a response. It is said if one chooses to pray to a rock with enough devotion, even that rock will come alive. In the same way, once we choose to commit ourselves to spiritual practice, even the mountains and valleys will reverberate to the sound of our purpose.

Closing thoughts: I hope Lisa is doing well and Stacey has had a smile or two today. Tonight I will pray for all my friends and loved ones, and for strength for the night ahead.